All that glitters.....

By Christine Rose copyright 2010

By the end of May, I had moved into a small apartment on stunningly beautiful property.  But anything really good also has the balance, the Other Side of the Coin.  The balance has risen.  The apartment is attached to another one, and in it resides a woman whose mood swings scare the crapola out of me. Perhaps she drinks, perhaps she has been the victim of abuse all of her life, it is not my job to determine what makes her tick.  Like a bomb. Nope, the only thing I have to worry about, in My Year of Grace, is how I react to her.

The first thing to do was to decide exactly what Grace is anyway.  So far as I have seen in my baby step attempts, Grace is the ability to not be effected by anything around you, except with and through love.  There have been times in my life when that was easier to do, but maybe I bit off more than I can chew right now, as my life is more precariously balanced than it has ever been.

I will not recount the deeds done by my neighbor, all I can say is that she has made it incredibly difficult to love her.  Therein lies my challenge.  Today was so bad; she has caused me, through her threats to the landlord, to give up two cats who have been with me the better part of a decade, and while I still have four others, the home rings hollow with their absence.

The cats will be fine.  I have found a nearby farm that has lots of cats, horses, goats and little girls who love cats...the more the merrier.  But it doesn't alleviate my sadness or loss.

While driving the second one to the farm today, I cried out loud to be rescued from my thoughts.  I cried so hard not to hate her, for God to soften her heart, to help her see and understand kindness.  The answer that rose from my being was that kindness is often taught through suffering.  Imagine that praying for her to develop kindness might actually be a bit of a vindictive prayer!

I changed gears, and prayed that she might not suffer more, as I am sure she has already.  All in all, praying for her softened heart soothed my soul far more than praying for terrible things to befall her.

I see that Grace is hard to come by, and that we must always be careful what we pray for, because teaching me Grace may well mean I am going to walk through some terrible moments.  It is my job to rise to the occasion, and I am determined to do so.  But I have no doubt that to fall from Grace is very easy to do.